Up In The Air

This is the theme of my life: Up In The Air. I need to write a song about this. Actually, now that I’ve thought it out loud I have no choice. I’m going to. So wait for it. Coming soon…

I spend so much time thinking about all the things that are going wrong with my life that I forget to breathe – and I just get so overwhelmed. I forget I’m not the one in control. And I forget that I’m not going to screw everything up. I don’t think I have been given that much power. But life and decisions feel so big sometimes. And I have a hard time trusting my God-given abilities and instincts. I have ESPECIALLY hated making decisions as of late. I would much rather someone tell me what to do so I can go on people-pleasing and avoid the responsibility that I, and only I, have to live MY life well.

I was telling my friend Betsy last week that I had been given an opportunity that I wasn’t sure about…until another one of my friends reassured me that she thought it was a good idea. So, because this friend felt good about it, I decided it was ok for me to feel good about it. Betsy was honest with me that she didn’t think I should do something just because someone else thought I should. I know she’s right. But if Betsy’s right that means I have to make my own decisions and I don’t want to! Is this what it means to be a grown-up? If so I’m moving back in with my parents (haha).

My friend, Kim, sent me a book last week, “Secrets of the Secret Place,” by Bob Sorge. It has been just what I needed. Here’s a short passage from the chapter on making decisions:

“Those who make decisions based on external data become thermometers of society: Their lives reflect the natural forces that shape their destiny. But those who make decisions based upon what they see in God become thermostats of society: They influence their world through the forcefulness of bringing divinely received initiatives to bear upon this earthly sphere. Intimacy precedes insight. Passion precedes purpose. First comes the secret place, then comes divine guidance. God doesn’t simply want to get you on the right path, He wants to enjoy you throughout the journey. He doesn’t want you to find His will and then take off running, leaving Him in the dust.”

I’d rather be a thermostat than a thermometer. I’d rather be making the decisions that God directs me to make than the ones that society tells me to. I want to change the world. I don’t just want to fit into it. So if any of you want to tell me how I can do that, I’d really appreciate it. JUST KIDDING. Well, actually, I’m not kidding. But I am. But I’m not…